"Time doesn't always mend a broken heart."

Friday, September 23, 2005

I take the good with the bad...

I am happy to say these past two days have been rather amazing. I met up with a 'friend' from SWA at Howards who confided some rather personal things in me and ended up spending a good four hours at my house just chilling. It was great to just be able to sit with him and talk. The conversation seemed to flow endlessly and it was sad (but a bit welcomed - i was exhausted) when at 5:30am he decided it was time to go home and sleep. We have plans to hang out again on Sunday, so I am looking forward to that.

ThunderCat has sent a few text messages and reconfirmed their desire to work with/for me. I was begining to get concerned about that. Yet, it seems that all is a go and I look forward to our 'business' dinner on Monday evening.

My friendship with a fellow blogger is going quite well and while their own life seems to be taking a rather stressful turn -- it's nice to have them around. I think the company does us both good. It's nice to be able to laugh and be silly with someone -- without having to be concerned about them judging you or taking it too seriously.

The adult site is now under development and I go to Vancouver, BC shortly to meet with a bigmuscle.com friend who just happens to be a progammer. Better yet, a programmer interested in writing the things that I need for my site. Fucking right on! So that has me pretty excited. I've always wanted to see BC - plus this flight will give me enough skymiles to fly somewhere free. Woot! Or get my upgrades for my trip to Prague. RaWr!

All those things aside, and a few others that I didn't mention, the complete highlite of the last year and a half happened today. My one true passion.. the thing that focused me and gave me tremendous drive for five years is back online. Some of you might know what it is, some don't. I'm not sure I really want to discuss it right now, but I will say that it has made me so happy.

I will continue to push forward with the adult venture and hope that it brings in revenue that I can push to the other. Almost like Robin Hood, I'll use the money from something that I have many personal and moral issues against to help make something that means the world to me better. When I can drop the adult thing and focus on the other, I will do that in a heart beat.

For now, as sad as it is, I need the adult project ---- damn that sucks.

As my title states - I take the good with the bad. Like everything else in my life... every happy moment has to be slightly subdued by a negative one.

Welcome to the world of Hereditary Neuralgic Amyotrophy -- It's back.. starting shortly after my newest tattoo.

The pain is so muther fucking intense that I started taking four of my Ultram (pain killers) rather than one. Even four wasn't making the pain any better. Now I'm out of them.

My right arm is trying to contract at the elbow -- so whenever I straighten my arm out now the pain is stabbing. It runs from my shoulder (painful) down my arm (not to bad) to my elbow (painful as fuck) down my forearm (not to bad) and right into my fingers (like a tingling stabbing pain) ---

Typing is a bitch now and I find myself spending more time sleeping because it's the only moment I get when the pain isn't bothering me.

This shit scares me. I'm afraid of what it is doing to me and more concerned that I have no clue when it will stop again. I can't really explain to anyone the pain. I will say it has me extremely edgy, very irritable, and wanting to beat the fuck out of things.

As always.. my life is filled with petty tyrants. Be it physical, personal, guys I date, family .. somewhere there is always a petty tyrant to try and bring me down.

In the midst of it all - I thank God for my blessings, for my resolve, and for the strength given to me no matter what tyrant is in my path. There is nothing greater.

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