Now that I am older I understand what fairy tales mean... those dreams that fill your head as you listen to the stories with happy endings.. they are just that, 'tales.'
There is no knight in shining armor, happy endings are a fleeting moment, and you cannot always be what it is you want to be. These are just stories...
It will always rain more than the sun shines...
...but isn't that why we learn to appreciate the sun?
I've learned to appreciate the sun even when it doesn't shine. I've also learned to appreciate the pain that life brings, because it makes every moment of happiness - no matter how fleeting - just that much more special.
I've learned to accept myself, my defects, and to love myself for who I am - regardless of what others may say about me.
In the end, the only thing we have is ourselves. There is nothing more important than what is in your heart - everything else will come and go -- but what is inside of you will last throughout eternity.
I've read through many of my posts here. At my excitement at meeting different people and my sorrow when those people did not turn out as expected. I am starting to learn to embrace the emptiness and loneliness of this journey. To understand each person brings with them a lesson, be it good or bad, and that those moments hold the prospect for happiness tomorrow.
My experiences with ThunderCat turned out to be one of those lessons. I thought I was a friend, I thought this person had an interest in me (they were the ones that portrayed it that way) ... and even when I learned they didn't -- I was happy with the friendship and therefore, I continued to give.
Now I know that I was convienence, I was an ATM Machine, I was anything but a friend.
One more person to vote off the Island, I guess. ;)
Am I hurt? No...
Angry? Not anymore...
Disappointed? I've let that go....
This journey is a mystery and I love that mystery. I love the challenges, the chaos, the laughter and the tears that it brings. I hold fast to the fact that God gives me these hurdles and each of them has a necessary place in my life. They are all blessings, even if the blessing is disquised.
So the next time my sun is clouded over and the rain begins to fall - I will outstretch my hands and tilt my head back to take the rain in. To feel it fall against my body and to taste it, because the sun will shine again.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
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