"Time doesn't always mend a broken heart."

Saturday, January 14, 2006

I am going to tell you about date rape...

I cannot count the number of times I've heard people say, in reference to a girl who was date raped, that she 'deserved it' because of how she dressed or behaved.

I cannot count the number of times that I've said the same thing.

What you don't hear a lot about are the guys who are raped. Straight, bi, gay .. doesn't matter. You just rarely ever hear about it. Easy answer.. male pride. How many guys want to say "some dude raped me."

I would never want to, but I have.

I wonder if the chances of being hit by lightening twice reflect at all upon the chances of being raped twice? Or maybe I just 'ask' for it.

I remember the first time vividly. I was in my early twenties spending a few weeks at my parents condo in Ocean City, Maryland. As I always do in OC, I was sitting on the boardwalk at about 2:00am on a Saturday night. That's the best time to watch the hot, fucked up dudes walking back from the bars and acting stupid (sexy).

I was sitting there, smoking and minding my own business - lost in a sea of hotness - when a short, muscular, shirtless guy in basketball shorts approached me and asked for a cigarette.

He was obviously drunk, around my own age and beyond hot. As I was giving him a cigarette I looked down and woah! The dude was standing there with a hardon pressing out the leg of his shorts. So now we have me (gay and bored) talking to a built, ripped up, hot, hard straight guy....

So, of course, the talking begins. Ask him where he was, what he was up to, and what was up with the hardon. The questions inquiring minds wanna know at 2:00am in OC.

According to his story -- his girlfriend didn't want to fuck, he did, and she tossed him out of the hotel. He was drunk, horney, and bored. We had a little in common.

Somehow the conversation ended up with him wanting to come back to my condo for a blowjob and off we went.

To make a long story short - midway thru the blowjob he decided he wanted to fuck me. I don't get fucked, just for the record. I said "Nah, that's not my thing." and he said "I wasn't asking you." After that he grabbed me, flipped me onto the couch, held me down, undressed me, and rammed his dick into my ass. His thick, huge, non lubed, non condomed dick into my ass.

Kept my head pushed down into a pillow to muffle sound and pounded away.

I fought for a bit and then just went limp. I relaxed wanting it to end and end quickly. I just lay there motionless, lifeless.

He cam (in my ass) got up, went to the refrigerator took some food and ate. While I slowly rolled to one side of the couch to begin to get up. After he ate, he came back and after patting me on the back (I guess I'm a tropper ..or maybe that is what he does to his bitchs) laid on the couch and fell asleep.

I could tell you all the things that ran through my mind, but it would take way too much time. I was afraid for my step-mother and step-sister -- what if I pissed him off or what if he simply came back, found them, and decided to do the same thing?

After what seemed like hours of deliberating I telephone two bartender friends of mine from Delaware who were big gym guys to come and remove him. I will always be grateful to both of them for their speed and determination in getting to the condo and literally picking him up and throwing him out.

It was also interesting later in that night (they decided to stay with me incase he returned) seeing the straight guy raper on the boardwalk with a group of his friends. The looks were priceless when my one friend yelled "You tell them you raped my boys ass last night faggot?"

Anyway... it was an experience I survived with little anquish. No STDs came from it, the pain went away, and I was able to place the experience away in my mind. No big deal, I guess.

Fast forward to now... this month...

Once again I hang with 90% straight guys. Most of my friends are straight and there are always those few straight dudes who are a little 'freaky.' I know a couple like that. Every now and then they want to fool around and hey ... I'm down for it. Might as well get some action somewhere.

But what do you call it when a straight dude you fool around with decides he is going to fuck you when you pass out drunk one night?

....date rape? rape? to some queen somewhere, "omg gurl that's sooooo hot!?'

No is no. The ability to not say yes is no.

Most importantly, I understand how it feels to be a girl and to hear people say "she deserved it."

Friday, January 06, 2006

The enjoyment of casual friendships..

Today, while recovering from my night out with Mike, I couldn't help but smile and enjoy a moment of that warm fuzzy feeling.

You see, I've never been one to remain friends with someone that I've dated and not had it work out. I am not saying that is the best (or most mature) mentality to take, but usually if something doesn't work out there is often a 'bad' reason attached to it. So why make that a part of my life?

Mike is the first exception to that rule and the one that has made me re-evaluate my stance on X's as friends.

Even better is the enjoyment of a casual friendship. You call when something strikes you to call, you see each other when the urge arises, and there are really no expectations or obligations. If you don't talk for a week or a month - it's cool.

Yet, should you need to vent.. have a problem.. need some help -- you know they are there to have your back.

Nice, very nice.