How deep is the ocean, how high is the sky?

[written 1:36am, 10-17-06]


How much do I love you..

The greatest act of love is freedom. The ability to give to someone you love the freedom to be away from you. The freedom to think and be without the pressue of your existance, even when it destroys you inside.

Today, through many tears, and tonight while holding them back I did just that. I gave to the person that my heart cries for the complete freedom of being away from me. I could no longer find any other way to show them the totality and true unconditional nature of what I feel for them, but to let them go.

We've all heard the cliche' that if you love something let it go and if it returns to you it was true. I never believed I would be someone to do just that.

Our conversations always went so well and our time together was rarely filled with any tension - but for the last week it had become argument upon argument. While I attempted to pull him back and he pushed away further. Had that routine continued, I know any shred of what we had would have been lost in the mix.

In some ways, I feel better despite the emptiness I can feel welling up inside. I know I will still wake up and reach for him, not finding him there. I know that I'll get lonely or have news I want to share, but I will avoid calling.

Maybe, just maybe, one day soon my phone will ring or there will be a knock on my door and it'll be his voice I hear and his face I see...

and maybe, just maybe, should that happen.... we'll lay on my bed talking, laughing, playing like we use to and I will hold him again and not let go.

Maybe... just maybe.