Another suitcase

So I've purchased my auto-train ticket back to Maryland. I leave on Monday, August 13th at 4:00pm, unless something amazing happens before then. I am not expecting it to and I am not even sure I want it to.

Stay, go home, go to Miami... choices, choices, choices...

And all I wanted was to get away; it wasn't the first time. I can view this as an extended vacation, a vacation would have sufficed, but now six months later it didn't turn out so well. I'll learn, one day, to not leave behind good things and good people in search of something more. Something possibly better.

It's like porno. You watch that same porn, again and again until it just does nothing more for you. You've moved on and now you need a deeper porn to get off to. The same 'ole has become mundane... the thrill is gone.

Come to think of it, sounds like a good number of my relationships too.

I was supposed to goto Miami this month and stay with my friend Nick while I looked at possible job opportunities. He wanted me to move there and honestly Miami is sexy. A lot better than Orlando, but I don't see how it's possible. It just doesn't make sense to take what little money I have left and risk it all on a chance.

What happened to my younger adventurous cravings...

The last place I want to be, for a number of reasons, is Maryland. However there is security in being there with friends and family. Not to mention, a good number of job offers. Job offers -vs- no job offers .. doesn't sound like too hard a choice.

I'll leave Florida, I'm sure of it. Then I'll be in Maryland and sorry that I didn't stay in Florida. It's a catch-22 that I am not sure I can win on any front.

It's nice to find your place in the world. A place where you know you belong.. where you feel it and just know this is where you should be.

I guess I'm still looking for that place.