"Time doesn't always mend a broken heart."

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I'm really not bad, it just appears that way...

There are times that I question what I do, when I know that I probably shouldn't be doing what I've done...

Yet I prefer to stay true to myself and what I think or feel - even if it could be seen as questionable by others.

In the end, what do 'others' matter? Most certainly the 'others' who are not a part of your life really can't.

You never know what may be, what could be, or what can be gained unless you some times do what you some times shouldn't...

At least my heart and goals are in the right place.


Saturday, June 24, 2006

If it smells like faggot, it probably is...

So what is it with people who want to stir up trouble or talk shit for no reason? I really have a hard time understanding that behavior in people. Is it because their own lives are void of anything that they feel starting controversy makes them more exciting?

Or perhaps it is simply jealousy. I would pick jealousy as the top answer.

I can see how that can work in some situations, but not when you do it to me. Nah... cause you say some he said/she said shit to me and my ass is gonna be right up on it to clear things up.

I like to know the truth and talking smack about me is a quick way to fire me up... silly fags.

Okay that's my vent --- since I was party to such a situation a few days ago. Needless to say, I did confront the horse's mouth only to find that the shit talker was - just that - full of shit. I should have expected as much. At least who I confronted took it decently... I feel kinda bad to have even brought it to their attention now.

This is just one of several reasons why I like very few 'gay' people... drama drama drama. Bitch this isn't a stage.

I've built a cage to hide my rage, but it's time to take it down.

Gene mutations associatied with hereditary neuralgic amyotrophy discovered

In a significant advance toward understanding a perplexing and painful neurological disorder, an international team of researchers has discovered gene mutations associated with an inherited chronic pain and weakness syndrome known as hereditary neuralgic amyotrophy (also called HNA). No treatment is known for this disabling condition, which short-circuits a peripheral nerve center called the brachial plexus, a network of over 100,000 nerves, that branches from the spinal cord to supply muscular function and sensation to the shoulders, arms, and hands. HNA may first appear in the childhood or teen years, and lead to recurring episodes of severe, sudden onset pain in the arms and shoulders as well as weakness, loss of sensation, and muscle wasting.

Episodes are often triggered by an infection, an immunization, childbirth, or overworking the arms and shoulders. Nerve inflammation and changes in the blood suggest that problems with the person's immune response are contributing to the episode. The on again/off again course of the condition, and the environmental triggers, are unusual among inherited nerve disorders. An associated aspect of the disorder in some individuals is facial features -- a long, slender face and narrow, close-set eyes slanting upward -- reminiscent of portraits by the early 20th-century Italian painter Modigliani, according to Phillip F. Chance, MD, professor of pediatrics and neurology at the University of Washington in Seattle, whose laboratory first located the gene for this disorder to chromosome 17 in 1996.

Twenty-seven medical scientists at universities in Germany, Belgium, the United States, Finland, and Spain conducted the research to find the specific gene responsible for HNA. The lead authors of the study, which appears in the Sept. 25 edition of Nature Genetics, include Dr. Gregor Kuhlenbaumer of the University of Munster, Dr. Vincent Timmerman of the University of Antwerp, and Dr. Mark C. Hannibal and Dr. Phillip Chance, both from the Division of Genetics and Developmental Medicine at the University of Washington.

By studying several multigenerational families who had several relatives with HNA, the researchers identified mutations in a gene named septin-9 ( known as SEPT9). Cells from a variety of life forms, ranging from yeast to fruit flies to humans, contain septins. Septins form protein filaments that provide the internal scaffolding of cells, and play key roles in the process by which cells divide. Out-of-control septins are implicated in certain abnormal cell divisions that lead to tumor formation, including breast cancer. Cells depleted of SEPT9 often fail to complete normal cell division.

HNA is the first genetic disease found to be caused by a mutation in a gene of the septin family. According to the authors of the SEPT9 gene mutations study, SEPT9 has particular structures that distinguish it from all other septins, but the significance and function of these structures is as yet unknown. Future research on the SEPT9 gene and its mutations may lead to a better understanding of the normal function of the gene and its protein products. Scientists also hope to learn how the mutated gene contributes to the development of specific facial features before birth and is later triggered to produce the nerve disorder, and why the disease goes through exacerbations and remissions. The research on the genetic mutations of SEPT9 was supported by grants from the Deutsche Forschungsgemeinschaft, the Neuropathy Association, the National Institutes of Health, the Veterans Affairs Research Fund, the University of Antwerp, the Fund for Scientific Research, the Interuniversity Attraction Poles program of the Belgian Federal Science Policy Office, and the Medical Foundation Queen Elizabeth

I'd like to get to know ya, so I can show ya...

Okay, now that I am awake (not sure exactly why... I only went to bed four hours ago! Fucking sleeping issues...) I figure I'd take a moment and write a lil something-something. It has been a minute since I wrote anything of interest.

Okay so interest may be a matter of perception, but still...

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened lately and while my ordinary may be rather out there to a lot of people.. it's still monotanous for my ass. I semi-recently started going out again, after having been completely focused on work for a few months. I decided to ease up on that to save on the stress it was causing.

Lots and lots of stress it was causing. However, now that I no longer have a corporate office... the company president has moved back to Texas... we've been taken to court for eviction... and a potential buyer from NYC may be taking us over... I guess positive things may be on the horizon or careerbuilders.com... grrr

My GrandMother recently passed away, but at 98 years old and living in a nursing home with no quality of life -- it was probably a blessing for her. It seems she died in her sleep, so knowing she didn't suffer is comforting.

Friends are the same, guys are the same... nothing exciting to report there. Although I have been informed that I'm a 'club whore.' I won't argue that -- I know (and sometimes I do not know) how I can be when a little intoxicated -- which is usually how you will find me if I am in a gay club. Sober + gay club never works for me .. they irritate me when I am sober.

The club is a far as it goes, though. I might do a little show & tell, or a quick thirty second public display of whoreness... but that's it. Sleeping around hasn't been my thing for a long time - plus it's easier to just go home alone and jack off. At least I don't have to worry about anyone else or make waffles.

Not to say that it wouldn't be nice to have someone to go home with and lay next to while watching some Toon Disney... but I can be patient.