"Time doesn't always mend a broken heart."

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Fag Bitch

Ass Fucker

Faggot Pretentious

Liar Slave

It's really no fun doing a post like this after the Dixie Chicks and their freedom of speech shit. What ever happened to the Dixie Chicks? Are they even around anymore? So much for that freedom of speech, if not.

I'm just bored. Sitting here smoking and thinking about the boyfriend or somewhat boyfriend, cause that's become his new title. I've gone past the yield sign and now I'm standing at that annoying four-way stop being pissed off.

I am all about options; I love the options man. I just don't like being in the position that I'm in. How do you make a decision when you can't come to a conclusion; even when you have more than enough facts to make the walk.

It's that love bug.. I'm tellin you. That shit is hardcore. I get up, I get knocked down, I get up again and BAM!!! right back into it....

I'm just a sucker for a sexy guy with those sad eyes and a good line.

So, now I am bored and I miss the fucker. Being single has some good points to it, but nothing beats someone that knows you, has your back and that you know is going to be there for you when the lights come on.

Ya know?

Are you tall enough to ride this ride?

I've been away for some time now. Work has kept me traveling here and there and nowhere you'd really want to be. Unless you're into rednecks from BFE and there is nothing wrong with it if you are.

The knee has healed, thanks in part to my boyfriend and anal sex, but I still don't have the full kneeling action restored. I wonder if that puts my gay card in question?

Poor kitty, it's hard to change your spots. God knows I've tried and I've done very well at it, if I say so myself. My risque bar days are pretty much behind me, even though I do enjoy to go out for a drink now and then to terrorize the scene. My mouth certainly hasn't changed any nor my 'fuck it and fuck you' attitude. My depth has come closer to the surface, though and that creates a lot of change.

It also makes me more easily hurt, but if you've been reading my blog for any length of time you already know I am easy to hurt. I still give my heart totally to the person I am interested in and I still take a beating (no, not literally) before giving up and moving on.

I've always been that way; I believe loving with everything inside of you is the only way to love. I am just amazed that my heart hasn't become hard yet. Or that I haven't learned to sense the difference between someone's 'representative' and their true self.

I guess I still fall for the sales pitch. Who doesn't though, right? Even when the voices in our head are whispering no we continue to say yes. Can't blame us... everyone is seeking the person who completes us.

So where does this leave me? I am doing okay, the job keeps me busy and I am involved with someone who I am trying to believe in. Trying to make sure they can provide what the sales pitch offers.

We will see where it goes.... until then, I am alive and well.

Just a piece

I've been out on the scene since 15... You've seen me on knees in the alley and you've tasted him on my tongue. I liked the attention and I lived to always throw a curve.

I never gave a fuck; where was the next trick to make a show out of? Who would be next? Just a tool to entertain me and in turn entertain you.

You hated to like me, but you lived vicariously through me. I was everything you wanted to be - too afraid to let loose. Too worried about what people would think to say fuck it.

I've learned a lot; I learned that the more I tried to give a fuck the less reason people gave me. The more I wanted to conform, the more disgusted you made me. It amazes me how the 'gay spotlight' works... just don't give a fuck and do what you want. Take some dude outside, throw him up on a car and suck his dick outside the club. Let 'em watch... it's the spotlight.

But don't try to change your ways. Don't grow up. Don't want more. More is the illusion.

It's just part of the drama...